Ah Who You Be, Really.

It’s just a blink until I leave St. Kitts and I have a vague plan but it doesn’t go very far into the future. I’ve been trying to be as organised as possible – making sure I can leave everything here to run as smoothly as it can in my absence whilst also packing for a variety of different climates. At least my first stop is London and not the outer reaches of Mongolia. I will still be in civilisation. Trust me to choose one of the most expensive places to figure out what I’m doing. Except I’m not, really….

Last year I realised I needed to get away from St. Kitts. I had promised myself that I would only stay in St. Kitts for one, maximum two years after graduating in 2011. Come late September 2016 and I was still living in St. Kitts and pretty happy with how my life was going but knowing if I didn’t leave sometime soon, I would never leave. My baking business and my past relationship had kept me in SKB but with one of them out the window and finally, finally being ready for a change from the baking scene, I was prepared to buss off. So while walking through Wandsworth Park, I decided I would move to London in about 6 months time. I had to do it. So… I made plans and then the plans had to change and along the way I realised that actually, main so sure bout dis London ting again. Not now that I’ve been self employed in the West Indies for the past 5 years. Talk about a different pace. I knew I still needed to get off island though, so now the question is just, “yes, but where?”

The only problem is that although I now know what I don’t want, I also don’t actually know what I do. To my slight annoyance my arrival into Europe is turning into more of a holiday than I anticipated. Not having a clue about what you’re doing but needing something to do so you’re not just twiddling your thumbs will do that apparently. It will also eat up your savings. So now I’m walking the line of not wanting to turn opportunities down in case they present something wonderful and also needing to be smart about the fact that I will be on a limited income for the foreseeable future. As it stands, I’m going to go and do some stuff and try to be optimistic about it. While doing this I’m assuming I’ll learn a bit more about myself and hoping I’ll figure out what it is I might like to do next, whilst clinging on to who I already am.

I’m a mixed girl from St. Kitts but I was born in England. I’m too white for most people to believe I have any ethnicity besides Caucasian. It’s in there, I promise. But ah cyan catch a tan fu nuttin. What pon red skin. On a predominantly black island, local white people are pretty rare. I was born in England solely because my mum thought that at her age she would be better with all the right facilities rather than with the chickens and goats running through the hospital. She had my younger brother in St. Kitts, amongst said animals, and he’s now a vet so maybe if she had done the same for me I wouldn’t be having this career problem. Thanks mum. I have a local accent when I want to and a British/other accent when the need arises which makes people confused. So on a daily basis, from locals and foreigners alike,  I am asked where I’m from or who yuh people does be or but who yuh be, really? I am most definitely not from Australia or South Africa (the most common misconceptions, which is weird having never been to either) and I certainly don’t consider myself to be English (if it’s anything it’s Scottish). I know it’s not very PC to refer to race these days but it’s long been something I’ve thought about as far as my identity goes. And as this is my blog, I reckon I can do wha ah wan.

So… that’s that. Whether anyone besides my mum (and maybe even that’s questionable) will read this, I don’t know but I guess it’s just a way to document what I’m doing and doing it publicly may help in forcing me out of my comfort zone. I hope to God there will be some entertainment mixed in with the “self-discovery” because being this self-involved is already becoming tedious.

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