Skin colour.

I haven’t watched the video of George Floyd dying. I have read about it and seen some stills but I haven’t watched it. For the first time in months the focus on the news is not Covid-19 but the protests in the USA. A friend in Boston posted to his Instagram stories a list of black people who have been killed or arrested by the police and their “crimes.” In their singularness it is bad enough but seeing the long list of everyday, nothing things that people lost their lives for really brought it home. Obviously my friend isn’t the only one who is sharing things on Instagram but that particular list was particularly jarring.

I don’t know the States well. And every time something like this happens I think it’s more shock than anger that I feel. But because I don’t live in the States I admit I’m guilty of feeling horrified for the slain and their family but then moving on and also thinking “well, at least that wouldn’t happen here” (wherever here happens to be at the time). I feel a safeness at not being there. And this same white friend wrote me a long message talking about how scary it was and that it wouldn’t end soon and I realised that maybe this time it wouldn’t just go away. I hope it doesn’t just go away. With both the protests on the news and the many posts on social media, I think, when will it actually be enough? When will there be change? How is this still happening? How is it that there are white people who are so scared and untrusting of someone just because of the colour of their skin? It seems dystopian and yet it is real.

If you only focus on the colour of my skin, I can walk through the world with ease. And yet I’m one of those people that “can pass.” That means pass for white. I often think about this, having grown up in a place where the colour of my skin marked me out as different and the countless number of times I wished that I were just at least a little bit darker so I could fit in just a little easier. My nickname in school was “white gyal” (sometimes affectionately, sometimes not, always because it was obvious). I grew up in a black society where my white skin marked me as different. And in the USA the colour of black skin will get you killed. For not doing anything. How is it that in 2020 this is STILL happening? I don’t know what I can do from Spain and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t immediately and visibly show my black genes that I often feel I don’t have any right to take part in this discussion because I don’t feel as though it’s mine, that I can own it. I know this is bigger than me but I think as humans we try to look for connection to something to try to understand it better and to feel as though we can take part. And I see white on white people speaking out and being told that if you stay silent, you are not changing anything. So although this blog post won’t change anything, I don’t want to be silent either.

I also can’t help but think of my family and friends in the USA and think, for doing an every day task, they have to be on their guard. Where is the justice? I think about my beautiful baby godson who may one day decide to study in the States (as so many Kittitians do) and that this shit could still be around and he would have to deal with it? Where is the justice? I think about my brother and when he was doing his final year of studies in the USA and mum being adamant about the fact that he couldn’t study in Alabama (one of the veterinary universities with which his university has links..) because his hair is just that bit curlier and his skin just that bit darker. I thought she was a bit paranoid but it was better to be safe than sorry.

It is an uncomfortable topic. It is uncomfortable to acknowledge that even though I have black genes, I have white privilege. It is uncomfortable to recognise that I can walk through the world more easily as a result of this. But it is important to sit and acknowledge this privilege and it’s important to recognise that someone who is “different” doesn’t have this opportunity. And then, more importantly, try to do something to change that. I don’t know what I can do but maybe just writing about it is a start.

Below is the list that my pal posted to Instagram.