Where should I begin?

I’ve kept this blog open through the years despite not writing anything. Forever in the hope that I might return to it. I have started posts several times and abandoned them, often thinking it wasn’t important or interesting enough to write about. But the aim of this blog isn’t necessarily to be important or interesting but more so to ponder… so now I’ll ponder on what’s next. And I think I want to try to actually start writing again…

Esther Perel is one of the most well known psychotherapists in the world and her podcast is called “where should we begin?” as she often begins her session in this way.

So where should I begin? I’m typing this as I sit on the plane, flying away from Barbados after the graduation from my masters. The flight was delayed and I sat in the main terminal building and somehow missed the flight being called. I didn’t miss the flight as I was vaguely paying attention to the time but was one of the last to board (very unlike me) but it’s almost as though, despite officially moving from Barbados in June, it’s as though today I was being held back a little. As though Barbados knows I won’t be back for a while. And whilst flying away, it seemed as though we flew across the entire island, allowing me the chance to say goodbye to all of the spots I had come to know, from above (it’s more likely that it’s because usually I sit on the other side of the plane so have a different view but we can allow the sentimentality). Two years absolutely flew by and it does seem as though my time to leave came when I was really starting to settle into some sort of rhythm of life there. And it is now yet another place in which I’ve left a piece of myself and all of the bittersweetness that that holds.

I had many reasons for choosing the programme in Barbados. Being enrolled at the University of the West Indies came with many challenges and frustrations but my reasons for being in Barbados over somewhere else never changed. And despite my grievances with UWI, I cannot quantify how grateful I am for being able to experience life on another Caribbean island.

So that’s one place to begin. I’ve had the summer off after finishing at UWI and my internship. And truth be told it’s the culmination of the last 5 years, having decided to go back to university in 2021. And now I’m here. Holding two Masters of Science. Having been working towards “this” for what feels like a long time, now I’m in this new place of beginning again.

And so, what’s next? It feels like starting over. I’m approaching 39 and truth be told it’s pretty daunting as I navigate this next chapter. But as I approach St Kitts (what a joyfully short flight!), now I know that it’s time to begin. I don’t know where specifically but that’s okay because it will be done with slow, turtle like steps.. and reminding myself that like everything, it’s a Work In Progress.